What I've learned from 14 years of Marriage

Becky and I celebrate 14 years of marriage tomorrow, July 22. I've leared a few things along the way. Here are some of them:

1. If you try to win an argument, you'll always lose in the long run.
2. Regular dates may get expensive, but the alternative is more costly.
3. An annual getaway without kids can do wonders for recalibrating and dreaming together.
4. Proactive reading, learning, and mentoring pay off.
5. Conflict is normal in relationships. The key is to learn how to make it work for you so that understanding and intimacy result.
6. Seven years seems to be a milestone. If you can make it to that point, you begin to reap the dividends of the hard work you've done to that point.
7. No one--I mean no one--should be ashamed to visit a counselor. Visiting the right person can be a turning point.
8. Check in with each other daily. There is much joy in sharing the your highs and lows when done regularly.
9. Learn your spouse's love language and practice speaking it until you become fluent (quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or touch).
10. Your house may not be a castle, but it should be a sanctuary.
11. Learn to talk about expectations ahead of time. Address and define success. This applies to holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, time spent with in-laws, etc. Be intentional.
12. Become a safe person. That often means seeking to understand before being udnerstood.
13. Don't leave home without a kiss.
14. Learning to apologize and to forgive are some of the hardest lessons to learn. And they are at the heart of a gospel-centered marriage.

Comments

[Steve S]

Eric,

All of that is so true! In one short (wonderful) year of marriage, I have already seen the importance of all of these things.